Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Imagination

Is there something that happens to a woman when she has a baby that takes her imagination and turns it into "Where the Wild Things Are?"

Totally innocent moments become disasters as my mind jumps from scenario to scenario. We were outside playing yesterday, and I imagined Max breaking a leg on our playground. I even went so far as to me sobbing by his hospital bed in my mind. Then, JB was trimming our big unruly snowball bush. I saw him cutting the fallen branches up with one snip of his strong trimmers and I blurted out "That's so scary!" You see, I had already imagined those trimmers snipping off a finger. Horrible I know.

Max must think I'm a worry wart. He steps onto the edge of the tub to get out -- "No Max! You'll slip and bonk your head!" He climbs up in his stroller -- "Max sit down, you'll fall out and hit the concrete sidewalk!" Same for Ben. He starts crawling toward the carpeted stairs: "No Benny, you'll tumble down and be really sad." He plays with the bottom drawer of the dresser: "Benji, be careful or you'll smash your fingers."

Remember in Anne of Green Gables when Anne is sobbing as she does the dishes because she imagined nursing her bosom friend Diana as she was dying? Or when Anne freaks herself out as she runs through the "haunted" wood? Well I wasn't like that as a child but now that I've had children I can't stop it.

I never imagine the positive stuff, although when I try it actually is kind of fun. Maybe on our 5th anniversary cruise next month JB and I will be "discovered" and become the new Gap couple for the Carribbean. Blonde, blue-eyed beauties modeling...sweaters (I can't escape the cold in my mind although I know I will soon be on a beach). How about Max and Ben smile at a gruff old man at the bank, his heart his softened, he opens his wallet and sets up a 529 for their education at any university.

Those thoughts make me smile, but the scary scenarios make my heart pound more quickly and make me squeeze my little ones closer for a kiss. Maybe that's why I have this terrible imagination. To make me realize how blessed I am.

2 comments:

Bekah said...

I don't think you're alone in imagining worst-case scenarios. Our cousin Kim's blog said the same thing a few days ago. I can't really relate though; I imagine my cats dying in traffic but it's not quite the same feeling of dread and loss.

Lexie said...

I hear you, since becoming a mom I have the weirdest dreams and worries. It does make normal "boring" life great, though, doesn't it?