Am I the worst?
Recently, one son wrote me a note saying "I hat(e) you," and another told me he wanted to go to live with another family. Another sassed back in a way that shocked me.
I stayed calm in the middle of it (don't over-react, say the experts) and for the most part shrugged it off and laughed a little to JB later.
But today I am weary and on the edge of weepy about it. Sometimes I think we parents need some moments where we can look at each other and say, "SOLIDARITY, YOU GOT THIS." (Also, can we all just get on the same parenting page?)
I try and try to explain our family values, and why dad and I make the choices and decisions we do. But all my children see is that their life is unfair, because they are comparing to their friends.
Friends who have their own iphones, or a bigger house, or a trampoline, or a dog, or video game systems, or fun vacations, or new shoes all the time, or new movies all the time, or indoor trampoline parks or I can't even remember what else has been thrown in my face.
We try to save most of our money. We have Lagoon season passes from Papa. We go to the park every day. We have sports. We have shelves of books. We have good food (eg pizza a fair amount). We have comfortable beds and clean clothes. We have Xfinity OnDemand and Netflix and Amazon Prime Video and YouTube on the Smart TVs. We have good health. We don't have big, hard, heavy labor to do every day.
(Maybe we should make the kids do more chores every day)
We have the gospel and we have love in our home.
I don't know how to change their perspectives. I don't know how to help them see how blessed they are.
PS....that same son who wrote the note, gave me a big squeeze at bedtime said "I wuv you." I am so thankful that I leaned into the hug and said it back.
2 comments:
Solidarity, Sister - you got this!! I figure when I get those notes and comments, I must be doing something right. I also figure when people push back against the revelation I've received in my calling, I must be doing something right. So it was with all the prophets (soooo not lumping myself in with the dear prophets!). So it was and continues to be with our Savior. I can't read the Book of Mormon now without seeing all the adversity the prophets of old experienced! When the righteous do you, Satan fights back...
But, on a more practical note, maybe some gentle (or not so gentle) examples of what life below the poverty line looks like would help? Our kids see such a teeny tiny slice of life that they can't help but think is the world-wide norm. When their vision expands to see how many others their age live, their feelings about their own circumstances may ease. Ella is my kid to complain about inequities. She had an awesome teacher that did an Amnesty International presentation/unit about how the same aged kids in third world countries live. Super eye opening and perspective changing for her. She started saving all her pennies to donate. It was super rewarding for her.
When the righteous do *good - sheesh, I need to proof read!
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