Of forgiveness and gratitude

"Be a JOURNALIST!"

The words felt like a slap in the face, flung at me after I questioned our coverage of a controversial national story.

This was the second time a colleague said this to me in the newsroom surrounded by our peers.

This time I left for home nearly in tears.  I don't know why it hurt me so much.

Perhaps it's because for years, I have left my family in the middle of the night to "be a journalist."

Perhaps it's because I'm finding it harder and harder to stand up for my beliefs. To keep my ideals in this news business that is turning more yellow, more mean, more sensational.

Perhaps it's because I hate confrontation and having it come right to my face was too much for me to handle.

I stewed over it for a few days.

I thought of ways to give this colleague the cold shoulder. To be crisply polite only. To walk away when they are in the room.....to daydream of boiling them in oil.....

But then a thought came into my mind, about a weight, in a backpack, being carried around.

You see, the Sunday before this happened, I taught our primary the lesson in the manual about forgiveness. As outlined, I brought in a weight and explained that it represented hurt feelings, anger, or sadness we sometimes get from others' actions.  Then I put the weight in a backpack and had a little volunteer try to carry it around the room.

It's hard to do. And it's only you carrying the weight, not that other person, who may not even realize they hurt you.

I told the kids about forgiveness and letting go of that weight through Jesus Christ.

When all of this flooded into my mind -- I was standing at the stove in the kitchen -- I felt this big rush of realization. I needed to let this go.

And I need to let go of so many other things. Guilt that I'm not a good enough mother. Worries about my boys' future. An old depression that keeps resurfacing.

And the next day, this quote from President Henry B. Eyring's official Facebook page came through my feed:

"To find gratitude and generosity when you could reasonably find hurt and resentment will surprise you. It will be so surprising because you will see so much of the opposite: people who have much more than others yet who react with anger when one advantage is lost or with resentment when an added gift is denied."

I know the atonement of Jesus Christ is the ultimate  gift. He can take away my hurts, help me forgive others, and help me be forgiven for all my faults. 

Now to to put it to work.

#sharethegift